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You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Bingo
Sleepers
Execute
Correctly
Redneck
Grandmother
Hold
Might
Sleeper
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
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I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.
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You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
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You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
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I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.
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As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.
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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
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You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
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You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.
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You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
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What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
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You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
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You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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