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You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Shoes
Numbers
Might
Redneck
Heels
Expensive

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You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
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Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
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We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
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You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!
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Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity
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You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
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You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
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The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
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You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
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Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.
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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.
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Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
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You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.
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