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You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Redneck
Dress
Dresses
Field
Turned
Fields
Woman
Might
Deer

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I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again.
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You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
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You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
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You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
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You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
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You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
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You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
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You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
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Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!
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You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
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You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
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You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
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You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
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You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
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