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You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Vienna
Sausage
Purse
Purses
Redneck
Keeps
Wife
Might

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I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
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As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
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You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
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You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
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I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
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