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You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Wife
Might
Vienna
Sausage
Purse
Purses
Redneck
Keeps

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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
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I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
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You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
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You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
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Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
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You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!
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Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
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You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
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We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
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There's no down time any more.
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You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the Dirt for Sale sign in the front yard.
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You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
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If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
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People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
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The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
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