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You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Dip
Redneck
Taking
Water
Might
Nothing

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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
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You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
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You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
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You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
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You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
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You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
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The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
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Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
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The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.
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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
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