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You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Ten
Dog
Might
Pending
Lawsuits
Lawsuit
Redneck
Currently

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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
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You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
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The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'
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You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.
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We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.
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You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
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You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
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You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
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As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.
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You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
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You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
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