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I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Everything
Clock
Even
Watches
Thinking
News
Watch
Walk
Walks
Point
Away
Gotten

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People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
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You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
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You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
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You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!
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We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.
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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
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You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
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I really don't require a whole lot in life.
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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
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The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.
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You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?
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To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.
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You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
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If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.
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Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
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You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
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