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I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Point
Away
Gotten
Everything
Clock
Even
Watches
Thinking
News
Watch
Walk
Walks

More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

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The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
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You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
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You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
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If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
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I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
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You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!
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You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
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You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
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You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?
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You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.
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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
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The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
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