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You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Minutes
Wife
Break
Shoot
House
Thirty
Shot
Shots
Telling
Spend
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
Jeff Foxworthy
You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
Jeff Foxworthy
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
Jeff Foxworthy
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
Jeff Foxworthy
It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Jeff Foxworthy
The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
Jeff Foxworthy
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
Jeff Foxworthy
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
Jeff Foxworthy
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
Jeff Foxworthy
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Jeff Foxworthy
