Quote

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Wife
Break
Shoot
House
Thirty
Shot
Shots
Telling
Spend
Minutes

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Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
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You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
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Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity
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You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
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People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
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I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
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I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
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We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.
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You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
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You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
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I really don't require a whole lot in life.
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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
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You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
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