Quote

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Shots
Telling
Spend
Minutes
Wife
Shoot
Break
Thirty
House
Shot

More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
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You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
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Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
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You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
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As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
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You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
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If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
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Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
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