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If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Remember
Time
Gay
Sex
Married
Either
Lasts
Last
Woman

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You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
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You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
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If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.
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You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
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You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
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Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
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You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
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There's no down time any more.
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
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You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
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You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
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