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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Married
Ufo
Told
Swear
Wasn
Dating
Seen
Sister
Everybody
North
Think
Weather
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South
Balloon
People
Couldn
Balloons
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
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You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
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You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.
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You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
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You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
Jeff Foxworthy
I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
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You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
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You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.
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You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
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If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.
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You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right
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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
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We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.
Jeff Foxworthy
