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You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Peanuts
Buying
Sex
Married
Getting
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More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
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You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
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You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
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You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
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When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
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Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
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If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
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You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the Dirt for Sale sign in the front yard.
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Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
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You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
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If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right
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It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
Jeff Foxworthy
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
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You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
Jeff Foxworthy
