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You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
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Peanuts
Buying
Sex
Married
Getting
Free
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
Jeff Foxworthy
The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
Jeff Foxworthy
A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
Jeff Foxworthy
If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy
I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
Jeff Foxworthy
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
Jeff Foxworthy
We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
Jeff Foxworthy
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Jeff Foxworthy
