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The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
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Funny
Universe
Mysteries
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Thirty
Thought
Nine
Things
Mystery
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Time
Knowing
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
Jeff Foxworthy
If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
Jeff Foxworthy
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
Jeff Foxworthy
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
Jeff Foxworthy
You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
Jeff Foxworthy
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
Jeff Foxworthy
[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!
Jeff Foxworthy
I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
Jeff Foxworthy
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
Jeff Foxworthy
