Quote

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'

Jeff Foxworthy

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TAGS & TOPICS

Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Security
Apartment
Pizzas
Funny
Arguing
Deposit
Back
Door
Landlord
Thing
Clean
Deposits
Always
Moved
Singles
Never
Missing
Ceiling
Doors
Ceilings
Humor
Pizza

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I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.
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I really don't require a whole lot in life.
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What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
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I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
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You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
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You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
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You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
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You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
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You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.
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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
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If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
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Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
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You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
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Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
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