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We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Bear
Bears
Losing
Arms
Away
Right
Heart
Attack

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If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
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I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
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I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.
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If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
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There's no down time any more.
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You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
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You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
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You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
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You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the Dirt for Sale sign in the front yard.
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You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
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You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right
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You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.
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You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
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If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.
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You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
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When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
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