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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Bail
Deductions
Redneck
Biggest
Taxes
Money
Might
Deduction

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The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'
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If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
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I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
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You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
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People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
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You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
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If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.
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Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
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I really don't require a whole lot in life.
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You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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