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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Biggest
Taxes
Money
Might
Deduction
Bail
Deductions
Redneck

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I really don't require a whole lot in life.
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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
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You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
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You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
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You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
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You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
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You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
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You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
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It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.
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Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges he got guys off the fishing docks.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
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You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
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You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
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It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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