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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Home
Redneck
Wheels
Car
Inspirational
Doesn

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If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
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You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
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If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
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People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
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You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
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I really don't require a whole lot in life.
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I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
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You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
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You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
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Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.
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You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
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You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
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You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
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You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
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You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
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