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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Kids
Humor
Theory
Tray
Television
Trays
Head
Pound
Parent
Pounds
Times
Pull
Funny
Dad
Learn
Parents
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
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You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
Jeff Foxworthy
We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.
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We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
Jeff Foxworthy
You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
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Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
Jeff Foxworthy
