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Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Lately
Married
Ones
Comedy
Wife
True
Looks
Givin

More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Jeff Foxworthy
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.
Jeff Foxworthy
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If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
Jeff Foxworthy
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If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy
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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
Jeff Foxworthy
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As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
Jeff Foxworthy
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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
Jeff Foxworthy
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
Jeff Foxworthy