Quote

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Like
Baby
Coming
Bernard
Funny
Wet
Born
Cat
Kids
Dog
Littles
Door
Little
Watching
Children
Doors

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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
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I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.
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There's no down time any more.
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You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
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I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.
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I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
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You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
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I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
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If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.
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I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
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People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
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We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.
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As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
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You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
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