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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Little
Watching
Children
Doors
Like
Baby
Coming
Bernard
Funny
Wet
Born
Cat
Kids
Dog
Littles
Door
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
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It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.
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The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
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You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
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If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.
Jeff Foxworthy
As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
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Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
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You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
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The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
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You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
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There's no down time any more.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
Jeff Foxworthy
