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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Little
Watching
Children
Doors
Like
Baby
Coming
Bernard
Funny
Wet
Born
Cat
Kids
Dog
Littles
Door
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
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If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
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I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
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You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
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I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
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Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
Jeff Foxworthy
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
Jeff Foxworthy
I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.
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You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
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You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
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I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
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If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
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It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
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You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
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You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Jeff Foxworthy
