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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Children
Doors
Like
Baby
Coming
Bernard
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Wet
Born
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Kids
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Watching
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
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You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
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Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.
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I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
Jeff Foxworthy
I really don't require a whole lot in life.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
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You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
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You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.
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Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity
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You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
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We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.
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You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
Jeff Foxworthy
