Quote

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Children
Doors
Like
Baby
Coming
Bernard
Funny
Wet
Born
Cat
Kids
Dog
Littles
Door
Little
Watching

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We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.
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If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
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If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
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Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
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You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
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You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
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You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
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I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
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You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.
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I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.
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You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
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I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
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You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
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You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
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