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I hadn't bargained for this. I didn't think it would be like this - shabby clothes, worn-out shoes, circles under your eyes, your hair getting straight and lanky, the way people look at you. ... I didn't think it would be like this
Jean Rhys
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Jean Rhys
Age: 88 †
Born: 1890
Born: August 24
Died: 1979
Died: May 14
Novelist
Writer
Ella Gwendolen Rees Williams
Ella Rees Williams
Looks
Shoes
Way
Clothes
Lanky
Would
Hair
Bargained
Think
Eyes
Shabby
Thinking
Getting
Worn
Like
Eye
Hadn
People
Didn
Circles
Look
Straight
More quotes by Jean Rhys
I want more of this feeling - fire and wings.
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And then the days came when I was alone.
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The feeling of Sunday is the same everywhere, heavy, melancholy, standing still.
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There is no doubt that running away on a fresh, blue morning can be exhilarating.
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Next week, or next month, or next year I will kill myself. But I might as well last out my month's rent, which has been paid up.
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I sit at my window and the words fly past me like birds — with God's help I catch some.
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I like shape very much. A novel has to have shape, and life doesn't have any.
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I watched her die many times. In my way, not in hers. In sunlight, in shadow, by moonlight, by candlelight. In the long afternoons when the house was empty. Only the sun was there to keep us company. We shut him out. And why not? Very soon she was as eager for what's called loving as I was - more lost and drowned afterwards.
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Love was a terrible thing. You poisoned it and stabbed at it and knocked it down into the mud - well down - and it got up and staggered on, bleeding and muddy and awful. Like - like Rasputin.
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When I think about it, if I had to choose, I'd rather be happy than write.
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There are always two deaths, the real one and the one people know about.
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If I was bound for hell, let it be hell. No more false heaven. No more damned magic.
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After all this, what happened? What happened was that, as soon as I had the slightest chance of a place to hide in, I crept into it and hid. Well, sometimes it's a fine day isn't it? Sometimes the skies are blue. Sometimes the air is light, easy to breathe. And there is always tomorrow.
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I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know.
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Stephan was secretive and a liar, but he was a very gentle and expert lover. She was the petted, cherished child, the desired mistress, the worshipped, perfumed goddess. She was all these things to Stephan - or so he made her believe.
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I have arranged my little life.
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The rumble of the life outside was like the sound of the sea which was rising gradually around her.
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All of a writer that matters is in the book or books. It is idiotic to be curious about the person.
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When you are a child you are yourself and you know and see everything prophetically. And then suddenly something happens and you stop being yourself you become what others force you to be. You lose your wisdom and your soul.
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But they never last, the golden days. And it can be sad, the sun in the afternoon, can't it? Yes, it can be sad, the afternoon sun, sad and frightening.
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