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Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.
Jay Mohr
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Jay Mohr
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: August 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Parody
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Rivers
Room
Joan
Rooms
Seat
Lives
Filling
Fear
Mortal
Seats
Mortals
Fantastic
More quotes by Jay Mohr
What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell the story at a party or to a friend or it comes up on the podcast that you, I don't know why I'm not doing that onstage!
Jay Mohr
I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.
Jay Mohr
If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking.
Jay Mohr
There is a lot of acting that is on the table - precisely, good acting. The best movies of mine are the ones that really nobody saw. The Groomsmen, Playing By Heart and Seeing Other People are by far the work I'm the most proud of.
Jay Mohr
I've always been very open about it. I've been very open about my addiction, about my panic disorder. But I think that transparency is what can separate you from others because I think that is where comedy is going.
Jay Mohr
I realized early I can manipulate the ceiling in the middle class. The allure becomes how far I can make the ceiling rise.
Jay Mohr
Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.
Jay Mohr
When you do an hour and a half and you destroy, like tonight was great. I had an awesome time. I realized that I'd been up there for about an hour and a half and I realized, Wow, I'm gonna get out of here without doing Walken. It is a bit of a moral victory.
Jay Mohr
Every time you talk about politics or religion, know that the moment you open your mouth you're isolating 50% of your audience, in any medium. You're taking 50% of people that'll buy tickets to come see you and you're removing them from the equation.
Jay Mohr
The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.
Jay Mohr
You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.
Jay Mohr
It doesn't hurt my voice or anything because some impressions tear my throat apart. [Christophen] Walken is easy I can do it in my sleep. They all know it by heart. I did it on The Simpsons. I'm surprised that people still want to hear it.
Jay Mohr
I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.
Jay Mohr
You don't have to be Willy Loman about it. But, Airline food is crazy. Hey, what's with these rent-a-cars? or you go up and talk about how Christopher Walken wanted to know where my dog's tail went. That really happened to me.
Jay Mohr
If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.
Jay Mohr
Yogi Berra put it best, If people don't want to come, we can't stop them.
Jay Mohr
There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the Hippie Dippie Weatherman on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. Forecast for tonight? Dark.
Jay Mohr
You could teach [George] Carlin in college. It's the construction of the word and the order of things and how they go. How all those sentences are timed perfectly.
Jay Mohr
When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.
Jay Mohr
It's always a job when you're the reason they're assembling. If you're just doing shows and you're on a lineup with eight other guys, it's fun, it's great.
Jay Mohr
