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If you were an actor, anybody could go on Broadway and take a George Carlin hour and do it on stage as a one man show. They're all stand alone essays.

Jay Mohr

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Jay Mohr
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: August 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Parody
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Stage
Carlin
Alone
Essays
Hours
Broadway
Actors
George
Show
Hour
Shows
Anybody
Take
Actor
Men
Stand

More quotes by Jay Mohr

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If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking.
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It's always a job when you're the reason they're assembling. If you're just doing shows and you're on a lineup with eight other guys, it's fun, it's great.
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Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.
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But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.
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I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.
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I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.
Jay Mohr
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[George Carlin] was obsessive about time he was obsessive compulsive about his material and making things shorter and more perfect. He did an HBO hour every other year. It's live you have to be off-stage at 55 minutes. It's a network you've got to be off. And it's perfect.
Jay Mohr
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If it's going to really make them happy for me to do it, I'll do Walken. I've got no problem with it at all.
Jay Mohr
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Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?
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Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.
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This is NOT a pretty good business. You cannot be pretty good and be a national headliner. That becomes the allure.
Jay Mohr
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I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.
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I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.
Jay Mohr
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You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.
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Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.
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I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.
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I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid.
Jay Mohr
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I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.
Jay Mohr
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There seems to be a weird ceiling to being a stand-up as far as acting.
Jay Mohr
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When you do an hour and a half and you destroy, like tonight was great. I had an awesome time. I realized that I'd been up there for about an hour and a half and I realized, Wow, I'm gonna get out of here without doing Walken. It is a bit of a moral victory.
Jay Mohr