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If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking.
Jay Mohr
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Jay Mohr
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: August 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Parody
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Never
Drunken
Think
Alcoholic
Thinking
Alcoholics
Like
Scotland
People
Drinking
Drink
Seen
Hillbillies
Anything
Toothless
More quotes by Jay Mohr
I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.
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There is a ceiling to it and there's a stigma. Billy Crystal as brilliant as he is, he's never going to be thought of as a contemporary like Alan Arkin.
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I started to have panic attacks on stage and my wife just asked, Why don't you just stop? I was doing Ghost Whisperer at the time so I was making enough money where I could put it away and she said, Then, when you go back, you just go up and tell the truth. And it's a lot more tiring.
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I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.
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Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.
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Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.
Jay Mohr
True Yankees are born, not made.
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If you were an actor, anybody could go on Broadway and take a George Carlin hour and do it on stage as a one man show. They're all stand alone essays.
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This happens to me every couple of years. I'll look at someone I respect and I'll realize that he's outworking me. It changes the way I behave for the next half decade.
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It doesn't hurt my voice or anything because some impressions tear my throat apart. [Christophen] Walken is easy I can do it in my sleep. They all know it by heart. I did it on The Simpsons. I'm surprised that people still want to hear it.
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If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.
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I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get beat up by a guy with that voice? That's not the most masculine voice to take a beating to.
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Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.
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I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry.
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Every time you talk about politics or religion, know that the moment you open your mouth you're isolating 50% of your audience, in any medium. You're taking 50% of people that'll buy tickets to come see you and you're removing them from the equation.
Jay Mohr
I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.
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I had a calling, this is what happened, I've explained the story many times. I've had my priest on, I've had atheists on. When I explain my conversion to atheists, my personal series of events, they go, Oh, alright.
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Yogi Berra put it best, If people don't want to come, we can't stop them.
Jay Mohr
You could teach [George] Carlin in college. It's the construction of the word and the order of things and how they go. How all those sentences are timed perfectly.
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All I can do when I'm on stage is do a show where when I come back into town they cannot possibly afford to miss the show because they remember how fun it was.
Jay Mohr