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But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.

Jay Mohr

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Jay Mohr
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: August 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Parody
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Like
Throws
Applause
Timing
Comedian
Stand
Take
Kind
Would

More quotes by Jay Mohr

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There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the Hippie Dippie Weatherman on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. Forecast for tonight? Dark.
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If anyone thinks my show was 'pretty good,' then I've completely failed.
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I started to have panic attacks on stage and my wife just asked, Why don't you just stop? I was doing Ghost Whisperer at the time so I was making enough money where I could put it away and she said, Then, when you go back, you just go up and tell the truth. And it's a lot more tiring.
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There is a ceiling to it and there's a stigma. Billy Crystal as brilliant as he is, he's never going to be thought of as a contemporary like Alan Arkin.
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Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.
Jay Mohr
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The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.
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I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.
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I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, I don't know. It took Showtime two years to put my special on DVD. Owning your own content is the single most important thing in the world.
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Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.
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What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.
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There's not a rocket scientist, not a doctor, not an accountant that 30 years in goes, Oh, now I'm getting it. Now I can't wait to get back out there because I'm better than ever.
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True Yankees are born, not made.
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I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.
Jay Mohr
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I'm going to eventually shoot my own special, because you have to own your own content. My Turn (2003), that's never been released on DVD.
Jay Mohr
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Every time you talk about politics or religion, know that the moment you open your mouth you're isolating 50% of your audience, in any medium. You're taking 50% of people that'll buy tickets to come see you and you're removing them from the equation.
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This happens to me every couple of years. I'll look at someone I respect and I'll realize that he's outworking me. It changes the way I behave for the next half decade.
Jay Mohr
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I don't care about anybody's perception of me except for the audience.
Jay Mohr
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There seems to be a weird ceiling to being a stand-up as far as acting.
Jay Mohr
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I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, [George] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the order.
Jay Mohr
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She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains.
Jay Mohr