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Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.
Jay Mohr
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Jay Mohr
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: August 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Parody
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Unfortunately
Football
Comes
Mulligans
Contracts
More quotes by Jay Mohr
When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.
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It's always a job when you're the reason they're assembling. If you're just doing shows and you're on a lineup with eight other guys, it's fun, it's great.
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I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.
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When I watch like The Office I'm fascinated because most of America works in an environment where they see the same eight people every day.
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Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.
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You don't have to be Willy Loman about it. But, Airline food is crazy. Hey, what's with these rent-a-cars? or you go up and talk about how Christopher Walken wanted to know where my dog's tail went. That really happened to me.
Jay Mohr
I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.
Jay Mohr
This happens to me every couple of years. I'll look at someone I respect and I'll realize that he's outworking me. It changes the way I behave for the next half decade.
Jay Mohr
You could teach [George] Carlin in college. It's the construction of the word and the order of things and how they go. How all those sentences are timed perfectly.
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Every time you talk about politics or religion, know that the moment you open your mouth you're isolating 50% of your audience, in any medium. You're taking 50% of people that'll buy tickets to come see you and you're removing them from the equation.
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I started to have panic attacks on stage and my wife just asked, Why don't you just stop? I was doing Ghost Whisperer at the time so I was making enough money where I could put it away and she said, Then, when you go back, you just go up and tell the truth. And it's a lot more tiring.
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The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.
Jay Mohr
If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking.
Jay Mohr
My radio show, I'd show up, I'd read the data, and I would have sound bites and stuff like that.
Jay Mohr
It doesn't hurt my voice or anything because some impressions tear my throat apart. [Christophen] Walken is easy I can do it in my sleep. They all know it by heart. I did it on The Simpsons. I'm surprised that people still want to hear it.
Jay Mohr
This is NOT a pretty good business. You cannot be pretty good and be a national headliner. That becomes the allure.
Jay Mohr
I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid.
Jay Mohr
I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, I don't know. It took Showtime two years to put my special on DVD. Owning your own content is the single most important thing in the world.
Jay Mohr
There is a ceiling to it and there's a stigma. Billy Crystal as brilliant as he is, he's never going to be thought of as a contemporary like Alan Arkin.
Jay Mohr
Most importantly, how impressive can I be to people that bought tickets, where they never feel, It was pretty good. If anyone thinks my show was pretty good, then I've completely failed. I think every comic should think that.
Jay Mohr