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If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

Jay Mohr

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Jay Mohr
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: August 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Parody
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sucks
Seats
Charge
Team
Doesn

More quotes by Jay Mohr

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I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get beat up by a guy with that voice? That's not the most masculine voice to take a beating to.
Jay Mohr
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It doesn't hurt my voice or anything because some impressions tear my throat apart. [Christophen] Walken is easy I can do it in my sleep. They all know it by heart. I did it on The Simpsons. I'm surprised that people still want to hear it.
Jay Mohr
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I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.
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When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.
Jay Mohr
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What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell the story at a party or to a friend or it comes up on the podcast that you, I don't know why I'm not doing that onstage!
Jay Mohr
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You could teach [George] Carlin in college. It's the construction of the word and the order of things and how they go. How all those sentences are timed perfectly.
Jay Mohr
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If anyone thinks my show was 'pretty good,' then I've completely failed.
Jay Mohr
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You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.
Jay Mohr
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I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.
Jay Mohr
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If you were an actor, anybody could go on Broadway and take a George Carlin hour and do it on stage as a one man show. They're all stand alone essays.
Jay Mohr
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After spending the last 15 years guest hosting, I couldn't be happier to get the opportunity to host my own show! I'm looking forward to talking sports, connecting with listeners, and interviewing amazing guests every day, while being a part of the FOX Sports Radio family. It was worth the wait.
Jay Mohr
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But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.
Jay Mohr
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There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the Hippie Dippie Weatherman on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. Forecast for tonight? Dark.
Jay Mohr
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All I can do when I'm on stage is do a show where when I come back into town they cannot possibly afford to miss the show because they remember how fun it was.
Jay Mohr
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There's not a rocket scientist, not a doctor, not an accountant that 30 years in goes, Oh, now I'm getting it. Now I can't wait to get back out there because I'm better than ever.
Jay Mohr
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I don't care about anybody's perception of me except for the audience.
Jay Mohr
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If it's going to really make them happy for me to do it, I'll do Walken. I've got no problem with it at all.
Jay Mohr
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I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.
Jay Mohr
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We all shared this experience. We all had one brain, we were one giant organism working and having joy. What about Walken? Sorry, bro...Maybe I should've done an hour and 34 minutes.
Jay Mohr
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I had a calling, this is what happened, I've explained the story many times. I've had my priest on, I've had atheists on. When I explain my conversion to atheists, my personal series of events, they go, Oh, alright.
Jay Mohr