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What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

Jay Mohr

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Jay Mohr
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: August 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Parody
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Change
Amendment
Used
Amendments
Today
Bother
Enough
Gun
Must
Violence
Stop
Getting
Culture
Bothers

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I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.
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If anyone thinks my show was 'pretty good,' then I've completely failed.
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I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.
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I don't care about anybody's perception of me except for the audience.
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Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.
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I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid.
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If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.
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When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.
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But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.
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If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.
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I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have an inability to do a nine-to-five.
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I've always been very open about it. I've been very open about my addiction, about my panic disorder. But I think that transparency is what can separate you from others because I think that is where comedy is going.
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All I can do when I'm on stage is do a show where when I come back into town they cannot possibly afford to miss the show because they remember how fun it was.
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I realized early I can manipulate the ceiling in the middle class. The allure becomes how far I can make the ceiling rise.
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She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains.
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I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.
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There's not a rocket scientist, not a doctor, not an accountant that 30 years in goes, Oh, now I'm getting it. Now I can't wait to get back out there because I'm better than ever.
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If it's going to really make them happy for me to do it, I'll do Walken. I've got no problem with it at all.
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True Yankees are born, not made.
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