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Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11.

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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Entering
Experts
Financial
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Economy
American
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Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he's not doing good in Afghanistan either.
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The lead story on MSNBC was the news that there was nothing new to report in the Gary Condit story. So remember when there is nothing new to report, MSNBC will be the station not to report it first.
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It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.
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One thing about mildly dyslexic people - they're good at setting everything else aside to pursue one goal.
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President Bush demanded that Kerry apologize. Can you imagine that -- Bush demanding an apology for someone stumbling over his words? ... Kerry should have tried the Bush strategy: say so many stupid things, no one cares anymore.
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Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind.
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Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry to Davenport, Iowa New Mexico Las Vegas Los Angeles and he follows him to Portland, Oregon. The only place he never followed John Kerry was Vietnam.
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There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice.
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Jesse Jackson's in trouble. They're going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize.
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The heaviest snowfall in over 60 years is being reported in Beijing, China. To give you an idea of how bad it is, the army is now using snowplows to run over dissidents.
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Johnny Walker, the American that fought for the Taliban, is now talking with an Arabic accent. Have you heard him? It's ridiculous. I know how we should handle him. Let's bring him back here and take him to Cleveland Browns stadium and dress him up as a referee. They'll know how to take care of him!
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Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail. There's a switch - the environment hurting Bush.
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The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
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According to geologists, about 100 million years from now, Asia and the Americas will smash together to form one giant supercontinent. The good news: Maybe all those jobs that went over there will finally come back.
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Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back.
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President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again.
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The Democrats are all over this. Democratic strategists feel John Kerry's war record means he can beat Bush. They say when it comes down to it voters will always vote for a war hero over someone who tried to get out of the war. I'll be sure to mention that to Bob Dole when I see him.
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