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George W. Bush says he spends sixty to ninety minutes a day working out. He says he works out because it clears his mind. Sometimes just a little too much.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
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Stand-Up Comedian
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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More quotes by Jay Leno
All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.
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President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn't worked here - so try it somewhere else.
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The reigning Miss Canada has been arrested for punching out another woman in a bar fight.Quite frankly, I think it's refreshing to finally find one beauty pageant winner who is against world peace.
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Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one here and the last one to leave. I have the crummiest office. I try to balance things out, spread it around.
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AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, The check's in the mail, people are going to say, Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote.
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Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail. There's a switch - the environment hurting Bush.
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If there isn't a parking space out front or I can't see my car from the window, we're eating somewhere else.
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President Obama is asking Congress to support a military strike in Syria. If they approve, it will be the first time Congress has officially declared war since Obamacare.
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Herman Cain told a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters to go home, get a job, and get a life. That's the Republican version of hope and change, ladies and gentlemen.
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Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.
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The lead story on MSNBC was the news that there was nothing new to report in the Gary Condit story. So remember when there is nothing new to report, MSNBC will be the station not to report it first.
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The IRS says it's been getting death threats since the health care bill passed because the IRS is going to be the ones in charge of implementing it. They say the threats people are making to the IRS are so bad, that they are actually hindering the IRS's ability to threaten people.
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The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It's their bill. If it's too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act?
Jay Leno
Folks, tomorrow America will get to hear those four words we've been waiting for: Former president George Bush.
Jay Leno
The economy is so bad that bedbugs are now infesting sleeping bags and tents, because they can't afford to stay in hotels anymore.
Jay Leno
I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France.
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Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months.
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President Bush spent the day calling names he couldn't pronounce in countries he never knew existed.
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Remember when we used to worry about some weirdo having a razor blade inside an apple on Halloween? Not anymore. Like a kid today would eat an apple.
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And under the new guidelines issued by the Obama Administration, Federal agents will not pursue pot-smoking patients in states that allow medical marijuana. This new policy is called 'Don't Ask, Don't -- What Was I Talking About?'
Jay Leno