Quote

Inauguration Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants.

Jay Leno

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Tighter
Alley
Inauguration
Alleys
Pair
Pairs
Pants
Security
Spandex

More quotes by Jay Leno

Image
Hillary Clinton is getting a little bit of controversy because she has the most expensive hometown office rent - over $500,000 a year. She's in a one-year lease in the office, as opposed to her marriage, which is on a month-to-month.
Jay Leno
Image
Every year Steve Kaufman supports the charity “Love Ride” by donating a painting to this cause.
Jay Leno
Image
Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts and new hands. It's going to be a huge moneymaker, because you know that as soon as women grow another breast, men will want another hand.
Jay Leno
Image
Forty million Americans smoked marijuana the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton.
Jay Leno
Image
You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger and Meg Whitman have in common? They both got in trouble for stiffing the maid.
Jay Leno
Image
ESPN has announced that they are launching a 3-D sports network. Industry analysts say this will absolutely revolutionize the way Americans don't watch soccer.
Jay Leno
Image
The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That’s a long trip for Joe Biden.
Jay Leno
Image
The heaviest snowfall in over 60 years is being reported in Beijing, China. To give you an idea of how bad it is, the army is now using snowplows to run over dissidents.
Jay Leno
Image
Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
Jay Leno
Image
Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the government, isn't it? Trying to squeeze blood from a stoner.
Jay Leno
Image
Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India.
Jay Leno
Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let actual reality get in the way of his reality show.
Jay Leno
Image
The Mars rover Curiosity has sent back images of some odd things on the surface of Mars, and some people think they could be UFOs. Here's my question. If we're on the surface of Mars, aren't we the UFO?
Jay Leno
Image
George W. Bush loves golf because it's like the election--low score wins.
Jay Leno
Image
All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.
Jay Leno
Image
According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't.
Jay Leno
Image
President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, 'Joe Biden.'
Jay Leno
Image
Hillary Clinton said she hopes America is ready for a woman in the Oval Office. That was the great thing about her husband Bill: he was always ready for a woman in the Oval Office.
Jay Leno
Image
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
Jay Leno
Image
Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag
Jay Leno