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Congratulations to President Obama on being reelected president of the United States. Turns out it is not all bad news for the Republicans. It seems that depression is covered by Obamacare.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Seems
Covered
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Depression
Obama
Republican
News
Turns
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Republicans
More quotes by Jay Leno
Osama bin Laden has hired 10 look-alikes. Now, how hard up do you have to be before you take that job? There's no way to win! If Osama dies, you don't get paid. If you're found, you get killed.
Jay Leno
Gray Davis got some good news this week: the Clintons are out here in California campaigning for him. Actually, Hillary is campaigning for Davis, Bill is out here for Larry Flynt.
Jay Leno
This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it white people.
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Attorney General John Ashcroft has been hospitalized. I believe he is suffering from homophobia. No, actually, it was just gallstones, but when they gave him the hospital gown that opens in the back, he refused to wear it, he thought it was a gay wedding dress.
Jay Leno
Actually, the University of California says they may start a marijuana research center. Really? I thought the University of California was a marijuana research center.
Jay Leno
According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin Laden if he finds him. If Osama also has a gun, this could work out okay.
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Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won't campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: 'Aaghhhh.'
Jay Leno
Hillary Clinton is getting a little bit of controversy because she has the most expensive hometown office rent - over $500,000 a year. She's in a one-year lease in the office, as opposed to her marriage, which is on a month-to-month.
Jay Leno
Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India.
Jay Leno
John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a month, he's not going to show up for this.
Jay Leno
President Obama's re-election campaign said that this year they'll knock on 150 percent more doors than they did in 2008. Well, of course they will. They have to. There's so many foreclosures it's tough to tell where people live.
Jay Leno
There is a penalty for trying to knock down a cockpit door, but it's the people who try to go from coach to 1st class they really beat up.
Jay Leno
We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records.
Jay Leno
Governor Gray Davis has asked the California state Supreme Court to delay the October recall vote because he says that's not enough time to put on a fair election. Hey, let me tell you something. If we didn't need a fair election to pick the president of the United States, we don't need a fair election to pick the governor of California.
Jay Leno
Republicans are now saying that Dan Rather should lose his job because he misled the country with bogus information. Which is odd because the Democrats are saying the exact same thing about President Bush.
Jay Leno
Senator Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He's retiring.
Jay Leno
The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
Jay Leno
Rick Perry told reporters this week that he has a permit to carry a concealed handgun. He also has a concealed vocabulary, concealed knowledge of the issues, concealed tolerance.
Jay Leno
Oil prices jumped to well over $100 a barrel, and analysts say it's due to tension in the Middle East. So, luckily, it's just a temporary thing.
Jay Leno
Wasn't it thrilling when the U.S. Women's team took home the gold in gymnastics? A group of American teenagers getting a higher score than Chinese kids? That never happens.
Jay Leno