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The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Ruin
Ruins
Throw
Comedy
Money
Best
Way
More quotes by Jay Leno
To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side!
Jay Leno
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.
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A top geneticist at Stanford says human intelligence is declining. You know what that means? We are seeing Congress at its smartest and most effective right now.
Jay Leno
According to federal reports filed yesterday, the Obama campaign spent more money than they raised in the month of May. They spent more money than they raised? Well, that's called being a Democrat
Jay Leno
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Jay Leno
When you work with your hands, you learn to appreciate how easy it is to earn money talking.
Jay Leno
Al Gore is coming out with a movie about global warming called ' An Inconvenient Truth. ' It's described as a detailed scientific view of global warming. President Bush said he just saw a film about global warming, 'Ice Age 2 The Meltdown.' He said, 'It's so much better than that boring Al Gore movie.'
Jay Leno
General Wesley Clark commented on Gore endorsing Howard Dean. He said endorsements don't win elections. Hey, in this country, votes don't even win elections.
Jay Leno
AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, The check's in the mail, people are going to say, Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote.
Jay Leno
Hillary Clinton said she hopes America is ready for a woman in the Oval Office. That was the great thing about her husband Bill: he was always ready for a woman in the Oval Office.
Jay Leno
You know what really makes this embarrassing? The other day the president said the leaders in Iraq are 'ready to take off the training wheels.' That's what he said, 'take off the training wheels.' Then he goes out and falls off his bicycle. And they wonder why the rest of the world doesn't take us seriously.
Jay Leno
I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don't think I'm doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold 'Em.
Jay Leno
The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election.
Jay Leno
When we finally have this recall election in October, there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. And you know what's really scary? Most of them don't know the first thing about driving a state into bankruptcy. They're not experts like Governor Gray Davis.
Jay Leno
Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people.
Jay Leno
It is day two of the Democratic convention, and apparently they had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall today. They worked all day on it. They still couldn't get President Obama out of Bill Clinton's shadow.
Jay Leno
Women get a little more excited about New Year's Eve than men do. It's like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you're not going to keep the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.
Jay Leno
Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.
Jay Leno
A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush called Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace.
Jay Leno
A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father.
Jay Leno