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Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Americans
Sweating
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India
Outsourced
More quotes by Jay Leno
Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the government, isn't it? Trying to squeeze blood from a stoner.
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In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court ruled President Obama's healthcare mandate is constitutional. This is a major victory for President Obama, who spent three years promoting it, and a major setback for Mitt Romney, who spent three years creating it.
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When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.
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Women get a little more excited about New Year's Eve than men do. It's like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you're not going to keep the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.
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Fox News has changed its slogan from 'Fair and Balanced' to 'See, I told you so!'
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The lead story on MSNBC was the news that there was nothing new to report in the Gary Condit story. So remember when there is nothing new to report, MSNBC will be the station not to report it first.
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There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.
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The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face?
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Sarah Palin has admitted she tried marijuana several years ago, but she did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions, impaired her thinking, and she's hoping that the effects will eventually wear off.
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Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. bin Laden! We couldn't even get O.J.!
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A lot of American companies are now moving into Iraq. Iraq now has Pizza Hut, Subway, Taco Bell and Popeye's fried chicken. So, great, instead of oil for food, we're giving them oil in food.
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It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.
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Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed.
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President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.'
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Before they went on vacation, Congress voted to exempt themselves from Obamacare. They gave themselves a special exemption because they thought it was too expensive. So the people who voted for Obamacare for us voted to exempt themselves from it. You know how doctors take the Hippocratic Oath. Congress apparently takes the 'Hypocritic Oath.'
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The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election.
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President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.
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President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, 'Joe Biden.'
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The Environmental Protection Agency is conducting a seven-hundred-thousand-dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. Pollution? It's those damn trees.
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John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring will end up stuck in the Senate.
Jay Leno