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Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people.

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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Real
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Internet
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More quotes by Jay Leno

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They say that most airline seats on planes today are meant for 170-pound passengers. The last time the average American weighed 170 pounds, the Wright Brothers were flying the plane.
Jay Leno
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The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face?
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Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He says he wants a flat tax. He believes that tax should be flat, just like the earth.
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President Obama is asking Congress to support a military strike in Syria. If they approve, it will be the first time Congress has officially declared war since Obamacare.
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More bad news for the Taliban. Remember how they are promised 72 virgins when they die? Turns out that it's only one 72-year-old virgin.
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How about this John Edwards thing? Imagine that, a personal injury attorney who turns out to be a sleaze ball. Who could have seen that coming?
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The Flinstones wore furs, they ate red meat, and had a stoneage philosophy. In fact, they were the first Republicans.
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Pundits are saying that President Obama is starting to lose support among his own party. To give you an idea of how bad it's gotten, today Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter.
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And under the new guidelines issued by the Obama Administration, Federal agents will not pursue pot-smoking patients in states that allow medical marijuana. This new policy is called 'Don't Ask, Don't -- What Was I Talking About?'
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Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he's not doing good in Afghanistan either.
Jay Leno
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President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, 'Joe Biden.'
Jay Leno
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President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse but not Goofy. He had to stay behind to tend to his vice presidential duties.
Jay Leno
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Racecar driving is a lot like sex all men think they're good at it.
Jay Leno
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Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.
Jay Leno
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Whitney Houston rear-ended a city bus with her sports car, but no one was hurt. She said she didn't know what happened. One minute she was concentrating on the big white line, and the next, boom!
Jay Leno
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Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is 'shrinking the American pie.' And believe me, if there's one thing Christie hates, it's a small pie.
Jay Leno
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The FBI announced today that they are now looking for Osama bin Laden's financial adviser. You think this guy is in demand. How good can he be? his top client is living in a cave and driving a donkey. It doesn't sound like he is getting the best return on his investments to me.
Jay Leno
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Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to a concert. John Kerry once went out with Courtney Love and he's questioning Bush's judgment.
Jay Leno
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A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That's because they are usually dead by age 40.
Jay Leno
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With Halloween coming this weekend, they say not one person in the country is planning to dress up as Governor Sarah Palin. You know why? ... The costume costs $150,000.
Jay Leno