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President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Congress
Normal
Accepting
President
Bribes
Today
Urged
Back
Bribe
People
Announced
Bush
More quotes by Jay Leno
Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a car that will read the other guy's mind.
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As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's about gasoline.
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Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year.
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Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week.
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The Houston Astros want to change the name of Enron Field where they play. I guess the Enron name could cause problems for them. Like players could steal a base and then deny it.
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It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.
Jay Leno
Well, President-elect Barack Obama and his family are gonna spend the holidays in his home state of Hawaii. And you know who couldn't be more thrilled with this? The press, the reporters who follow the president. Well, think about it. After eight years of spending every holiday cutting brush in Crawford, Texas, they get to go to Hawaii!
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America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
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For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber.
Jay Leno
The latest issue of GQ magazine, John Kerry talks about what a man should look for in a woman. GQ? If John Kerry is going to talk about what he likes in a woman, shouldn't it be in Fortune or Money magazine?
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Senator Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He's retiring.
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You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his favorite thing, windsurfing. Even his hobby depends on which way the wind blows.
Jay Leno
Disneyland celebrated its 40th anniversary by burying a time capsule. They say it will be dug up in 50 years - or when the last person in line at Space Mountain gets to the front, whichever comes first.
Jay Leno
President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, 'Joe Biden.'
Jay Leno
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items -- like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
Jay Leno
There's a new Osama bin Laden video. He's the only person that is looking thin during the holidays. How does he do it? I think he's going to Jenny Craig.
Jay Leno
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let actual reality get in the way of his reality show.
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I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might want to have that mole on your ass checked out.' That seems a little personal to me.
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John Kerry suspended his campaign for five days this week in honor of President Reagan. And right now, he's ahead in the polls. How's that make him feel? Disappears for a week and he's up in the polls. What else can he do now but go into hiding.
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When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'
Jay Leno