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President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Weekend
Fell
Bush
President
Really
Stationary
Bicycle
Bike
More quotes by Jay Leno
The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face?
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A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush called Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace.
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According to federal reports filed yesterday, the Obama campaign spent more money than they raised in the month of May. They spent more money than they raised? Well, that's called being a Democrat
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The Democrats are all over this. Democratic strategists feel John Kerry's war record means he can beat Bush. They say when it comes down to it voters will always vote for a war hero over someone who tried to get out of the war. I'll be sure to mention that to Bob Dole when I see him.
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The Mirror interviewed one of Osama bin Laden's sons and said bin Laden has 42 children. That's going to happen when you sleep in a different cave every night.
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A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann said, I didn't even know the guy was Jewish.
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I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have to get in your car and actually go.
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Elections in L.A. are so different. Here you've got politicians with phony smiles making false promises to voters with fake boobs and bad toupees.
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According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama's Twitter followers are fake. They don't even exist. Which is actually a good thing because if they did exist there wouldn't be any jobs for them.
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The Houston Astros want to change the name of Enron Field where they play. I guess the Enron name could cause problems for them. Like players could steal a base and then deny it.
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U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?
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American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade Iraq, the whole place is oil and cash. It's like Republican Disneyland.
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It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.
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Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt.
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John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke.
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To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side!
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Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let actual reality get in the way of his reality show.
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I'm a staunch Independant. Every time I think I am a Republican, they do something greedy, and every time I think I am a Democrat, they go and do someting stupid.
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An intruder broke into Mike Tyson's hotel room in Las Vegas while he was sleeping but got out before Tyson could get to him. I don't know what's scarier. Having someone breaking into your room while you're sleeping or breaking into someone else's room and finding out the guy is Mike Tyson.
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