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Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed.

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
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Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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Bombed
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Fun

More quotes by Jay Leno

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Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden is. Osama bin Laden? We can't even find Kenneth Lay.
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There was also talk of bringing Al Gore to California to help out, but there was concern that Gray Davis and Al Gore in the same state would cause some kind of rolling personality blackout.
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Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
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You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his favorite thing, windsurfing. Even his hobby depends on which way the wind blows.
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Oil prices jumped to well over $100 a barrel, and analysts say it's due to tension in the Middle East. So, luckily, it's just a temporary thing.
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According to a new geographic literacy study 4 out of 10 American students couldn't find Iraq on a map. However 10 out of 10 Mexicans could find the U.S. without a map.
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You know what really makes this embarrassing? The other day the president said the leaders in Iraq are 'ready to take off the training wheels.' That's what he said, 'take off the training wheels.' Then he goes out and falls off his bicycle. And they wonder why the rest of the world doesn't take us seriously.
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President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using the Gulf disaster to fix the Gulf disaster?
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Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he's not doing good in Afghanistan either.
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I don't mean to harp on this, but it's like the networks are a how-to manual for terrorists. You see them on the news. This reporter is standing outside a water treatment plant, going, 'If they poured the poison here it could wipe out thousands because the guard is off duty from noon until 1 every day!'
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President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner have agreed to play a round of golf together. Imagine the two of them at the end of that golf game? Boehner will be crying over his score and Obama will be giving three explanations as to why his score is actually better than it appears.
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The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed you'd be able to keep your doctor, and now they're saying you 'might' be able to. Today Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can' to 'Perhaps we could try. Can't promise anything.'
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The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It's their bill. If it's too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act?
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Politics is just show business for ugly people.
Jay Leno
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President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse but not Goofy. He had to stay behind to tend to his vice presidential duties.
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Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing them on things like fatherhood and being a responsible husband. Jesse thought it was insulting, not only to him, but to his former mistress and their love child.
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Anyway, a spokesman for Barack Obama says the prisoners that are released from Guantanamo will either be sent back to their home countries or enter the New York City cab driver training program.
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Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.
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In business news, chocolate maker nestle is buying Jenny Craig. Well, that says it all you need to know about the war on obesity, doesn't it? It's over! Apparently we surrendered!
Jay Leno
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President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.
Jay Leno