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There's a new Osama bin Laden video. He's the only person that is looking thin during the holidays. How does he do it? I think he's going to Jenny Craig.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Thinking
Holiday
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Craig
Persons
Jenny
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Laden
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Thin
More quotes by Jay Leno
Senator Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He's retiring.
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Did you hear about this 20-year-old kid named John Walker from Northern California who was apparently fighting for the Taliban?... It didn't take long for the TV networks to jump on this Walker thing. CBS has a new show: 'Walker: Taliban Ranger.'
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According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't.
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Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
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According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we'll never get there.
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The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
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Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.
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The entire spring and summer line from Marc Jacobs was stolen on the way to the fashion show in Paris. The thief is considered armed and fabulous.
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Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won't campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: 'Aaghhhh.'
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Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden.
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Elections officials here in California are concerned that having 247 candidates would require a ballot so long it would be difficult to count. Today in Florida they said, 'What? You count the ballots?'
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U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?
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We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize.
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Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is 'shrinking the American pie.' And believe me, if there's one thing Christie hates, it's a small pie.
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In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing, education - anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda - and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it works out.
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More warnings issued by all branches of the government today that another terrorist attack is imminent. We're not sure when, we're not sure where, just that it is coming. Who is attacking us now, the cable company?
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Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia.
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Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your next prostate exam.
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Jesse Jackson's in trouble. They're going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize.
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A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father.
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