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According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin Laden if he finds him. If Osama also has a gun, this could work out okay.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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More quotes by Jay Leno
President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not for dietary reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything.
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The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
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Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a car that will read the other guy's mind.
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Attorney General John Ashcroft said there is a new credible terrorist threat. He said everything is under control not to panic. And then he went back to his harmonically sealed bunker.
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Governor Gray Davis has asked the California state Supreme Court to delay the October recall vote because he says that's not enough time to put on a fair election. Hey, let me tell you something. If we didn't need a fair election to pick the president of the United States, we don't need a fair election to pick the governor of California.
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Studies show American students are becoming less proficient in math. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put 2 and 2 together.
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According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top 1 percent.
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A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.
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The Houston Astros want to change the name of Enron Field where they play. I guess the Enron name could cause problems for them. Like players could steal a base and then deny it.
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The Flinstones wore furs, they ate red meat, and had a stoneage philosophy. In fact, they were the first Republicans.
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A new poll says that if the election were held today, both John Kerry and John Edwards would beat President Bush by double digit margins. The White House is so worried about this, they're now thinking of moving up the capture of Osama Bin Laden to next month.
Jay Leno
Congratulations to President Obama on being reelected president of the United States. Turns out it is not all bad news for the Republicans. It seems that depression is covered by Obamacare.
Jay Leno
Six women have come forward that say Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them without their consent. This proves he would be a hands-on governor.
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Every year Steve Kaufman supports the charity “Love Ride” by donating a painting to this cause.
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Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse?
Jay Leno
Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed.
Jay Leno
Pundits are saying that President Obama is starting to lose support among his own party. To give you an idea of how bad it's gotten, today Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter.
Jay Leno
Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?
Jay Leno
Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won't campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: 'Aaghhhh.'
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At the airport if you refuse to be patted down, they arrest you. And what's the first thing they do when they arrest you? They pat you down.
Jay Leno