Quote

The Iraqis sat down for talks on how to put together a post-war government. They would have sat down yesterday, but somebody stole all their couches.

Jay Leno

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Together
Couches
Government
Talks
Would
Sat
Post
Posts
Yesterday
Somebody
Iraqis
War
Stole

More quotes by Jay Leno

Image
The Stock Market was down today. Two major businesses declared bankruptcy, consumer spending is at an all time low - in other words, Bush is back on the job.
Jay Leno
Image
All of Iraq's oil fields are under U.S. control which is ironic considering all the gas stations here are run by Middle Easterners.
Jay Leno
Image
According to a recent study, ten percent of 'Star Trek' fans meet the psychological criteria for addiction. Deprived of their favourite show, some Trekkies disply withdrawal symptoms similar to drug addicts. Of course, the real difference is that drug addicts aren't nearly as annoying.
Jay Leno
Image
Oil prices jumped to well over $100 a barrel, and analysts say it's due to tension in the Middle East. So, luckily, it's just a temporary thing.
Jay Leno
Image
According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama's Twitter followers are fake. They don't even exist. Which is actually a good thing because if they did exist there wouldn't be any jobs for them.
Jay Leno
Image
Kerry was here in Los Angeles. He was courting the Spanish vote by speaking Spanish. And he showed people he could be boring in two languages.
Jay Leno
Image
As we watched Judge Clarence Thomas's Supreme Court confirmation hearings, all of the commentators said the same thing: 'One of these people in the room is lying.' Do you believe that? You've got two lawyers and 14 senators in the room, and only one of them is lying?
Jay Leno
Image
Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know anything about running the government. Didn't hurt George Bush.
Jay Leno
Image
Never perform for your family. They either laugh too hard or not at all.
Jay Leno
Image
Over in Iraq after you vote they paint your finger purple so you can't vote again. It's a flawless system. It works perfectly unless, of course, someone has paint remover.
Jay Leno
Image
Presidential Democratic front-runner Howard Dean admitted to Chris Matthews on the 'Hardball' show that he got out of the draft because of a bad back. He had a curvature of the spine. Apparently it curved too far to the left.
Jay Leno
Image
I'm a staunch Independant. Every time I think I am a Republican, they do something greedy, and every time I think I am a Democrat, they go and do someting stupid.
Jay Leno
Image
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.
Jay Leno
Image
Attorney General John Ashcroft has been hospitalized. I believe he is suffering from homophobia. No, actually, it was just gallstones, but when they gave him the hospital gown that opens in the back, he refused to wear it, he thought it was a gay wedding dress.
Jay Leno
Image
President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, 'Joe Biden.'
Jay Leno
Image
There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel like a woman in their country.
Jay Leno
Image
Dean's wife, Judith Steinberg, made a rare appearance with Dean. She's a doctor, so I guess they brought her in to stop the hemorrhaging.
Jay Leno
Image
I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don't think I'm doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold 'Em.
Jay Leno
Image
The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do you know this story? He failed to report he had some work done on his house. Yeah, here's the bad part. You know who did the work? Joe the plumber. Unlicensed.
Jay Leno
Image
Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser.
Jay Leno