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American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade Iraq, the whole place is oil and cash. It's like Republican Disneyland.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
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Journalist
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Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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Iraq
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More quotes by Jay Leno
Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they're just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it's an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing.
Jay Leno
According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top 1 percent.
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My dad's idea of a good time is to go to Sears and walk around.
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Did you hear about this 20-year-old kid named John Walker from Northern California who was apparently fighting for the Taliban?... It didn't take long for the TV networks to jump on this Walker thing. CBS has a new show: 'Walker: Taliban Ranger.'
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The United States military is now using the music of Metallica and other heavy metal bands to break the will of Saddam Hussein supporters to get them to talk. Theyre blaring heavy metal music at them. That should make the artist feel pretty good, huh? Put your heart and soul into your last CD and the Army is using it to torture people.
Jay Leno
All of Iraq's oil fields are under U.S. control which is ironic considering all the gas stations here are run by Middle Easterners.
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It looks like Rudy Giuliani is out of the race. Finally, a Republican with an exit strategy.
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Howard Dean announced today he will campaign in seven states. The states are Rage, Frenzy, Fury, Rath, Fever, Agitation, and Delirium. Yeeeeaaaah!
Jay Leno
Howard Dean dropped out of the race today. At least he can't claim his voice wasn't heard.
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John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a month, he's not going to show up for this.
Jay Leno
If we go down in flames, we will be laughing on the way down, believe me.
Jay Leno
Anthony Weiner and his wife, Huma, have given birth to a baby boy. He posted a photo of the new baby on Twitter, but people are afraid to open it.
Jay Leno
Actually, the University of California says they may start a marijuana research center. Really? I thought the University of California was a marijuana research center.
Jay Leno
At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, 'Boy, did they get the wrong number.'
Jay Leno
Sarah Palin has admitted she tried marijuana several years ago, but she did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions, impaired her thinking, and she's hoping that the effects will eventually wear off.
Jay Leno
The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market.
Jay Leno
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.
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Dean's wife, Judith Steinberg, made a rare appearance with Dean. She's a doctor, so I guess they brought her in to stop the hemorrhaging.
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I looked up the word POLITICS in the dictionary, and it's actually a combination of two words: poli, which means 'many,' and tics, which means 'bloodsuckers.'
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Did you see those Iraqis making that pilgrimage slashing their foreheads with knives and whipping their backs with chains. See, when Saddam Hussein was around they weren't allowed to make that pilgrimage. If they tried that with Saddam Hussein, he would have slashed their foreheads with knives and whipped their backs with chains.
Jay Leno