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Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your next prostate exam.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Getting
Audited
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Prostate
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Care
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More quotes by Jay Leno
The Flinstones wore furs, they ate red meat, and had a stoneage philosophy. In fact, they were the first Republicans.
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As you know, several times, McCain talked about serving his country in Vietnam, which is a nice change after 16 years and two presidents who could never quite explain how they got out of serving their country in Vietnam.
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America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
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President Bush said that our kids must be taught how to read. He said if his aides never learned to read, they'd never be able to tell him what's in the newspapers every day.
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President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his services records thrown out.
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Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder.
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Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.
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Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to a concert. John Kerry once went out with Courtney Love and he's questioning Bush's judgment.
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Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden is. Osama bin Laden? We can't even find Kenneth Lay.
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President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.
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President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.
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The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
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(Gray) Davis said yesterday that he is going to fight like a Bengal tiger, which I believe is also an endangered species.
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I guess we didn't even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said, 'An apology is not a sign of weakness.' And as President Clinton has taught us, an apology isn't even a sign you're sorry.
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It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went through with a weapon, the metal detectors accidentally went off.
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Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn't get him. Of course not, we all know what kind of aim Clinton has.
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President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours. So right now in Iraq, the economy is collapsing, businessmen are corrupt, and Hussein wants his son to take over as president. Sounds like mission accomplished.
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Kentucky Fried Chicken.. KFC... Keep Fooling Customers.
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Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry said you can't misspeak 15 times in a week and be president. And Bush said, 'You can't'?
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People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali, leave a little extra time.
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